Sex in Fantastic Medieval Roleplaying Games

    The worlds of d&d and other such derivatives are deeply sexless. This is of course not saying that sex cannot happen, it does in many tables and I am sure they have a great deal of fun pretending to have penises and vaginas getting wet and or hard in the many wonderful ways that can happen. However, there is regardless a lack of sex, to me many of the worlds do not feel lived in if sex is not somehow part of it, even though I have zero interest in roleplaying any form of sex in RPGs.

    There have been many attemps at fixing this deep sexlessness, and these attempts fall into two main categories, these categories are as follows

1. A Seattle based polycule has released a book full of magical whats its like magical cock rings or contresceptive spells
2. A man who is on the verge of getting a restraining order filed against him by every woman in a 300 mile radius releases a book about all the ways you can circumvent consent and also writes a spell called something like bigby's bitchslap

    Both of them normally include a chart on the creation of viable offspring between various fantasy creatures such as orcs and elves and sometimes centaurs for some reason.

    However, these attempts are often lacking. While the attempts to supplement sexual play oftentimes do just that it's very often absurd to have them in a game centered around dealing with evil things in dungeons deep. I suggest a new third method of sex in fantastic medieval roleplaying games.

Colonel Sir Horatio Cary's Regiment of Horse Banner

    Sex permeates our culture and our culture permeates sex, and it's just funny. Royalists in the English civil war flew banners calling their opponents cucks. Kings wore codpieces to show off their dicks to everyone around them. Ancient Romans would graffiti the walls saying one guy eats pussy. The world is full of sex embrace it in all of its humor, it's not that serious of a thing.

    If you want a game that feels alive and human and full of sex without it devolving into men testing their constitution to see how long they can thrust before ejaculating weave it into the world building. Have rumor tables about the local baroness having a paramor outside her husband. Have the ancient dungeon have an ancient penis carved into the corner. Have someone insult someone else by telling them "eat my ass".

    Having a player call a local lord the duke of cuckolds will always be more memorable than rolling to see if you are pregnant.